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Though simpler nowadays than it once was, the traditional wedding of the red dao ethnic minority remains steeped in ethnic tradition.
A friend of mine named Le Son Ha, who was born in the Ta Van valley near Sa Pa, recently invited us to travel north to attend a traditional wedding of the Red Dao (pronounced “Zao”) ethnic minority.
Hiring a motorbike taxi in Sa Pa, we headed down the undulating road through scenery more beautiful than a landscape painting. By the time we arrived in the Ta Van valley it was starting to get dark.
Hµ had already prepared a traditional red wedding envelope and reminded us how important it was to ask the hosts before doing anything, as the wedding was considered an extremely important occasion in the life of the Red Dao people and we had to be very careful not to do anything which might cause them unhappiness.
The Red Dao have one important thing in common with many other ethnic minorities living in the Sa Pa area: they are extremely cordial and hospitable. However, before you do anything it is important to observe their customs closely and if necessary ask the host first.
Our group comprised Hµ, two news- paper reporters and the motorbike taxi-driver, and all four of us became guests at the wedding. One of the most endearing features of the Red Dao people is that, regardless of who you are, if you attend a wedding you become an honoured guest and are received very warmly.
Crossing Cau May (Cloudy Bridge), we climbed a narrow mountain path, then crossed a stream by a precarious wooden plank to reach Giang Ta Chay hamlet. It was obvious that this was where the wedding was taking place as we immediately saw many Red Dao girls standing around, all wearing beautifully-decorated traditional headdress.
Around 30 to 40 people were already gathered in the village for the wedding, and after a few words of introduction, a man in his 60s with a bright smile asked us to come into his house. It turned out that he was the paternal grandfather of the groom, Ly Lao San.
Compared to city dwellings his house could be considered rather poorly furnished, but in this area it was in fact one of the more affluent residences. We took off our shoes before entering.
Today Red Dao weddings have moved with the times and the rituals surrounding them are no longer as rigid as they used to be. The wedding ceremonies are simpler than they were in the past and now take only two days. Nonetheless many ancient traditions are still enacted. For example, when bringing home the bride, the groom has to carry out a “gallant” action, typically carrying the bride on his shoulder over the stream before they arrive home.
Another Dao tradition that those of us living modern city lives might well learn from is that, after get- ting married, a Red Dao couple will live with each other for the rest of their days and never divorce each other.
When we arrived at the bride’s family’s house, the bride, Tan Thi May had been placed temporarily in a discrete curtained-off area of the house, waiting for the propitious hour to come out and greet the guests.
Every activity, from eating and drinking to greeting and saying farewell to the guests, as well as the wedding nuptials them- selves, took place inside the house.
Although life is still hard for many Dao people, everything here was kept very clean. The food was quite tasty and our hosts also ensured that there were enough bowls, chopsticks, spoons and condiments for everyone attending the wedding.
Perhaps the happiest person was the paternal grandfather of the groom. With a cheerful smile, he told us: “It’s great having you here. Don’t go home, please stay the night.”
As the evening wore on, people would take a nap to get their strength back, enjoy more food and wine, then sleep a little more. When we climbed to the upper level of the house, we found a number of people lying there asleep on mats. The host had to shift several of these sleep.
The Red Dao weddingng guests to one side in order to make enough room for us to sit down. Had we been really drunk by this time and wanted to stay overnight, our host would most likely have let us sleep in this area.
However, we eventually had to bid our host farewell and return to Sa Pa. Reluctantly he saw us off. It struck me then how truly hospitable and friendly our Red Dao hosts were.
Far from simply being polite, they really wanted us to stay and would enthusiastically have made space for us if we had been able to do so. But by the same token, they understood that we really had to leave and did not take offence.
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